is real. I have had two great new years eve my entire life. One when i was about 15 and the other last year. Which is the most tragic of them all. So here is the thing:
Prior to my New years Eve last year i had, had a rough six months. I was going down a spiral i had been down before and what i didn’t know at the time was that it was the beginning of my current depressed ‘episode’ or whatever you call it. Cause at this point it seems ridicoulus referring to it as an ‘episode’. It sounds like i’m 5 and had a fit over not getting what i wanted for christmas.
Anyway, december 2013 was a weird month, because i had been feeling like shit, but in december i felt good. It’s kinda like the saying says “It’s always more calm before the storm” that was exactly what it was. August through november 2013 had been like shit. I didn’t know what was going on but I was just so unhappy, angry, quiet, jealous all bad emotions you could possible imagine. December came and i kind of ‘forced’ myself to enjoy, my favorite holiday ever. It helped and i just thought that everything was going to be ok. So much so that when it came to New Years Eve i was kind of… happy i think. I remeber thinking that 2014 was going to be my year, it was going to be the best and i was gonna achieve incredible things. I was going to do all the things i have dreamed of and it would be just the most amazing year ever. I soul hardly believed it. Then came january as it does after New Years Eve. The first week or so was just great and then something crazy happened. The last week of january was probably the worst week of my entire life. It was the week i almost killed myself. It was the week i cried before school, after school and before bed. It was the week i cut myself everyday. Having it being almost a year ago i can laugh at the absurdity that is my life. I went from thinking that my life was going to be amazing and i could do everything, to feeling like i literally wanted to die. In a month. A freaking month. Nothing major happened to set this on. I just went from what i imagine is happy to severely depressed. It’s so ironic and absurd that the universe must play a joke on me.
So what am i going to do this year for New Years Eve? I’m glad you asked: I have no idea. Either drink and go out clubbing with some friends. Which should sound nice, but i suck at clubbing. Like i don’t enjoy it. That said i am grateful that i have friends to go clubbing with, so thats great. OR i could stay home alone, stare at the stars and be all philosophical and shit.
Safe to say i hate New Years Eve. It might be one of the worst days of the year and i really do not want to paticipate in it. I don’t believe in it. And don’t even get me started on resolutions. They just set you up to fail.
Believe it or not i actually have quotes about the cold harsh truth about New Years Eve.
“I would say happy new year but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder. ”
– Robert Clark
“I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.”
– Anais Nin
“It goes Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day. Is that fair to anyone who’s alone? If you didn’t get around to killing yourself on Christmas or New Year’s, boom, there’s Valentine’s Day for you. There should be a holiday after Valentine’s Day called ‘Are you still here?'”
– Laura Kightlinger
“New Year’s eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.”
– Hamilton Wright Mabie