Fake it till you make it or don’t?

Disclaimer: Towards the end i might become a bit melo-dramatic. But stay with me guys, it’s not that bad. I hope.

So i don’t care if it’s “fake it till you become it” or “fake it till you feel it”, they are all bound by the same principle. If you are sad, then you have to fake happiness to become happy. Now who does this benefit? You or the people around you who can’t stand feeling helpless while you’re depressed.

If you are unhappy, depressed, have low self-esteem etc. the theory states that you will feel better in a while if you just keep faking your happiness.This might make you feel better for a while or it might be painful to act happy all the time despite the pain you feel. Either way in the long run it doesn’t matter, because most times it will crack. Faking it means pushing feelings down. If you do that for a long period of time, it builds up. You  never let yourself process how you are feeling and why you are feeling it in the first place. Problems don’t go away just because you “act happy” or because you force yourself to forget them. I have tried it. I have tried faking it and it was horrible for a while until i got so good at it that I didn’t notice faking it anymore. However things change and the minute i wasn’t in my comfort zone, all that confidence i had faked and builed up vanished. It was a shock because i was so sure that i was better. I hold it somewhat together for a year before i just broke down. Again. This time it was even worse than the previous time. See if i had just seeked help when i wasn’t so deep in the depression i might never have experienced what rock bottom feels like. I might have enjoyed the last 2 years of my life. But no, i faked it. I faked it so good that it took a year to really re-surface again. And in that time it had grown silently in power and it came back worse than ever. So I ask you is faking it really the solution?

I personally believe that faking it is not the best long term solution. Instead of running from it, turn around and run towards it. Run with all the force you can muster and embrace it. I’m not an angel and there are days where faking it is neccessary, but return to the embrace. Embrace the pain, look around, stay curious and ask question. Why do you feel like this? Why is it so hard getting better? What is holding you back? Do you deserve this? (where the answer is always no).  If you are honest with yourself and you treat yourself with kindness and respect i believe that it will get better, at some point. I’m still depressed or unhappy or whatever you wanna call it. It’s hard and some days it is next to impossible. But I think i have improved. I think you get used to it. The pain that used to paralyze me, is still there, but now i just live through it. It’s not ideal and i won’t be able to do it forever, but for right now it will do. It’s progess… i think.

When this is said; it’s a totally valid option. In moderation. If you feel nervous because of a date, act confident. I often say “You can do it” without totally believing it, but hoping that if i say it enough i will start to. The point i am badly trying to get across is “fake it till you make it” works if it’s not used because you wan’t to change how people on the outside look at you, if you overcompensate making it seem fake or if it’s a complete and utter lie. To use it i think there must always be a little truth to it. Meaning if you weigh 300 pounds don’t fake it till you make it by saying “you are skinny” in the mirror. Because let’s face it you are not and it is actually dangerous for your health.

Sitting here writing it. It’s hard. I wanna say that you should always be honest and act as you feel and screw everything else, but the real world doesn’t really work that way. I think i will end with this. Think balance. Think moderation. Think honesty. Think authenticity. Remember it takes courage to be honest.

I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.
—  Elizabeth Gilbert

Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.
—  Anne Rice

I would rather struggle as myself than coast as someone else.
—  Tyler Knott Gregson


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