We are so fast judging others, myself included. The first thing you do in any situation is judging.
You walk into a room and you judge. You judge depending on what you appreciate the most. It could be style, cleanliness, size, freshness of air, it could be anything.
You meet a person for the first time and you judge. You judge their style, cleanliness, smell, face, body, voice, opinions everything this person is, is free to judge.
Of course judging isn’t bad if it plays in your favor, but if it doesn’t it merely sucks. I have judged people based on how they dressed or presented themselves and realizing that made me feel awful. I realized to late, because after i couldn’t shake that i already had based an opinion on her and it stuck.
Why did i feel the need to judge her? It wasn’t because she wasn’t nice. She was. She just wasn’t my… style. And excuse me for the sidetrack. But what does that even mean? And it made me thinking. Do we owe it to all the people we find nice to befriend them? Or are we excused being merely acquaintances with someone because we don’t think that they are our….style? With style i don’t mean clothes or looks. I merely mean a sense of who they are or a feeling if you will. Is it judging if you don’t wanna be friends with a certain person, because of who they are? If this certain person was pretty, the answer would probably be no. Or if this person was mean, the answer would probably be no aswell. If you don’t believe me give me a chance to explain.
If the person was pretty it would almost be a testament of how i was not shallow. If i could choose not to befriend a pretty person, DESPITE her/him being pretty it would show that i don’t care about looks. No one would really feel sorry for her/him, cause when do we feel sorry for pretty people? They got everything, right?
If the person was mean it would be pretty consensus that they deserved it. They had asked for no friends, by acting mean and no other discussing would be necessary.
But if this person is neither pretty or mean, where does the line go? Is it possible to objectively choosing not to befriend a person just because you didn’t feel the chemistry? Can we honestly say that nothing of the looks has factored into this decisions. Cause i don’t think i can. Don’t get me wrong: I would never befriend a person on how they look. However on some level I’m afraid that i judge their persona on how they look. If they are sloppy and have greasy hair I immediately think social “loser”. It is judgemental and mean, but it is only now that I realised how bad it is and i am deeply ashamed of it. How do we get so good at judging that we don’t even realise doing it?
It’s not just other things we are judging. Most people judge themselves more than anybody else judges them. It’s apparently not enough being judged by what you show the world, no. We have to be judged by what we don’t show it as well.
Somehow we get it on our heads that it’s our job, to impress people, making it so that no one feels the need to judge us. It is isn’t. Some people don’t feel that need, they might be the one judging you right now. So why do you have sleepless nights when they are ready and tucked in their bed? Instead create and be a you, you can be proud of and that you can stand by, so when someone judges you (and they will) you can stand by yourself for who you are and it’s easier to let slide, when you actually have no problem with who you are.
I have tought long and hard to stop this circle of judging, because it can be the root to a lot of problems.
I don’t have the answer by a long shot, but this is what i have so far….
Try to be aware whenever you are judgemental. Every single little thing you judge starting from day one. Notice it. Be aware of it. And then try to change it. Just be in the moment. When you are eating breakfast you might think about how it’s not the food you wanted or the bread is dry or you where out of milk. It doesn’t matter. Try to just thinking how you are eating breakfast. Not how it taste, but just observe objectively what you are doing. It really is just a small part of training mindfulness, which is a very big thing right now.
Stop taking everything so seriously
Just because you don’t judge doesn’t mean you don’t have opinions. If you don’t like something, just leave it at that. Stop obsessing about it and stop feeling like you know everything. Set things in perspective and be patient. If you don’t like a person of how they look, realise that their looks has nothing to do with who they are. That beauty is relative and maybe they look crap because something crappy is going on in their life and they don’t need you to judge them for it. Also judging people for something they have no control over is just bullshit. And maybe self-reflect a bit. Why where you so quick to judge, that specific part of the person?
You don’t need to be perfect.
No one needs to really, but this is for the self-inflicted out there. Would you put everyone else to the same standard as you do yourself? This is only okay, if you’re some kind og super-human-alian being, but you’re not are you? So human to human, why do you get higher standards? That is not really fair is it? Besides everyone else is busy judging, why add more? No one is going to look after yourself as much as you, cause in the end you are all you have. Try to be strong enough so that only having yourself at times is enough. Not saying you have to lock yourself in a room and never get close. Only that be okay, with being alone at times. So if you are ever alone a point in your life it is OK cause you can count on yourself having your back.
“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
– Paulo Coelho
“You ought to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.”
– The Breakfast Club, Richard Vernon.
“Be who you are, so when they do judge you they can’t say your fake”
– Tyler Johnston
“What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of wat it’s supposed to be.”